“… I urge you to live a life worthy of the calling you have received. Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love. Make every effort to keep the unity of the Spirit through the bond of peace.” Ephesians 3: 1-3

At Holy Cross MCC, if we are to live out the call, “to love God with all that we are and to love our neighbor as ourselves,” we as a community need to seek out and create positive solutions to conflicts within the church.

Conflict is a normal, and even healthy, part of relationships. After all, two people can’t be expected to agree on everything at all times. Since relationship conflicts are inevitable, learning to deal with them in a healthy way is crucial. When conflict is mismanaged, it can harm the relationship. But when handled in a respectful and positive way, conflict provides an opportunity for growth, ultimately strengthening the bond between two people. By learning the skills you need for successful conflict resolution, you can keep your relationships strong and growing.

To enable and empower our Congregation to effectively transform conflict through agreed upon practices and procedures that are rooted in a core principle of our faith tradition: “so in everything do to others what you would have them do to you” (Matthew 7:12).

1. To provide a confidential outlet for members and attendees of Holy Cross MCC to express their feeling and/or work through conflicts.
2. To offer Christ’s acceptance, love and guidance.
3. To offer an annual (or as needed) discussion group/ seminar focusing on Conflict resolution.
4. To have the Conflict Resolution Steps made accessible to the congregation by posting the information on the web site, on the bulletin board and distributed in Membership Class.

• Although some of our members may work in professional fields outside the church, they do not provide professional counseling or legal advice when serving as Peacemakers within the church.
• If you have legal, financial or other technical questions, you should seek advice from an independent professional. The Peacemaking Ministry members will be happy to cooperate with them and consider their counsel in light of Scripture.

• Examine your own role in the disagreement. Why is this matter important to you? Do some soul searching.
• At this step, and at all succeeding steps that become necessary, own your issue. Anonymous complaints are not acceptable.
• Get a reality check from the Peacemaking Ministry. Compare your perceptions. Do they see it or hear it in the same way?
• Based on your telling of the events & your feelings about it, would others feel the same way?
• Determine your goals/ desired outcomes!

• Use "I" statements in your discussion ("I feel..." not “You did..."); use active listening.
• Agree on a mutually acceptable time and place to talk in private and as soon as possible after the incident.
• If a direct conversation is too difficult, consider putting your thoughts into writing. Be prepared to hear the response.
• If you feel that safety is an issue, either emotional or physical, use an appropriate third party or the Ministry members to help provide a safe environment for the discussion.
• If the conflict is less with a person than with how they are performing a job or task (staff, religious educator, etc.), address the concern to the proper supervisor so that individuals are not being "supervised" from all sides.

• This Ministry is committed to keeping the issues and the identity of the individuals involved confidential unless written consent to share is given. Exceptions to this policy are if there is evidence of eminent danger to an individual’s physical well being.
• The Peacemaking Ministry will be a standing committee of four to six members. The members will be selected for their mediation skills, maturity as Christians, having characteristics of integrity, dignity and respect for the individual and their need for complete confidentiality.
• Members of the Ministry will excuse themselves from any conflict for which they have an inherent bias based on the individuals or the topics involved.
• The entire ministry team, or any combination of at least two members can be utilized in seeking conflict resolution.
• The Peacemaking Ministry members are empowered to make recommendations, augment compromises or make the appropriate referrals.

1. Spend some time each day quietly reflecting on how we would like to relate to ourselves and others.
2. Remember that all human beings have the same needs.
3. Check our intention to see if we are as interested in others getting their needs met as our own.
4. When asking someone to do something, check first to see if we are making a request or a demand.
5. Instead of saying what we DON'T want someone to do, say what we DO want the person to do.
6. Instead of saying what we want someone to BE, say what action we'd like the person to take that we hope will help the person be that way.
7. Before agreeing or disagreeing with anyone's opinions, try to tune in to what the person is feeling and needing.
8. Instead of saying "No," say what need of ours prevents us from saying "Yes."
9. If we are feeling upset, think about what need of ours is not being met, and what we could do to meet it, instead of thinking about what's wrong with others or ourselves.
10. Instead of praising someone who did something we like, express our gratitude by telling the person what need of ours that action met.